This day must get better...

My day started with a parent wishing my head was under this mallet:

This showing up at my school to work through an issue:

And making a million mistakes with coordinating as well as administrating this to my students:

If I had any money in the bank, I'd probably go eat a bunch of food that sucks for me and drink too much Diet Coke.  

This day MUST get better!

Stomach Bug

I've been dealing with a stomach thing just about all winter.  I cannot figure out what it is.  I've pretty much given up dairy thinking that it was related - but today I swear I move for 5 minutes and my stomach starts to ache and I have to sit down.  Don't get me started on my trips to the bathroom....at least today I've kept some food down.

This morning was a 10 miler.  It hasn't happened. I was supposed to go with my friend. We were going to run/walk it and feel really good about ourselves. Instead, it's almost noon and I'm still in my pjs feeling rather dysfunctional.  I didn't run all week, but did do an incredible 9 mile walk with the family last weekend.

I'm frustrated.  I feel so lazy - although I know this is not true about me. I've been reading all these blogs and people's race stories - - especially Bobbi's most recent half marathon, and I just can't figure out why I can't seem to manage it all.  It's this internal thing that is so absurd.

I'm still going to do the half.  I'll be able to finish it - just not as fast as I was hoping.  I'm still motivated though - this weekend just feels like a major bump in the road.

Ugh!

I Love Salad!

Ok, I don't really love salad.  But I could love salad if it's the right salad.  And the right salad has to have the right ingredients.  My new goal, in my new 9 week push (9 weeks left of the school year - I start summer feeling better than EVER!), is to have salad everyday.  But not just any salad.  Amazing salad.  Salad that makes people say, "Ooooooh that looks good."  Or, "Wow, is that a salad?"

Last week,  RhodeyGirl talked about the I Love Salad challenge, and I committed to eating amazing salad everyday this week and this was today's salad.  Ingredients:

Romaine
Spinach
Carrots
Celery
Orange Pepper
Whole Wheat Cousous dressed with lemon and a little bit of garlic and olive oil
Roasted sweet potatoes
Roasted butternut squash
Roasted Asparagus
Tofu croutons

It was epic.

And almost everyone in the room asked me what it was and one person even asked for the recipe.  Ha!

Day One of I Love Salad challenge complete and mission accomplished.  Whoohooo!

Not Getting My Zzzzzs

Here's a pic of me and A2 when she was about 6 weeks old.  Sound asleep on Mama.  What in the world happens?  Why can't we sleep as well as we did when we were infants?  Are we that traumatized by our everyday lives?

I am normally an incredible sleeper.  I go to bed early, get a good night's sleep and am pretty peaceful as I fall asleep.  I have this whole routine about saying 3 things I'm grateful for before I fall asleep.  It's a great way to end my day.

In the past couple of weeks, I am simply not sleeping well.  I can't fall asleep and then I get stressed that I'm not falling asleep and start feeling crazy anxiety through every inch of my body.  I've been off my typical schedule because of my spring break, but really don't feel like it should be impacting my sleep as much.  I haven't been exercising like I normally do either - again, lack of schedule, so maybe that's it.  I swear I thrive on schedule.  You know what?  So do babies! With both of my babies, I had them eating at a certain time, changing diapers at a certain time, sleeping at certain times...they were on a schedule.  With my students at school, as soon as you thwart their day in anyway, they fall apart.  They too thrive on schedules.

So maybe that's just it.  Maybe it's all about the schedule.  Like I said yesterday, for my next break, I'll be more clear on my day to day schedules and that will help.  I write them out.  And follow them.  I have not been productive at all with my time off, again, more than likely due to no schedule.

So there you have it folks!  In order to be peaceful like this:

You have to have a schedule - at least I do!  Here's to hoping and praying I get my zzzz's tonight!

Eat More Veggies

This is a picture of my kids at Halloween.  A1 said he wanted to be a cow for Halloween, so we obliged.  Pillow cases and masks my mom randomly had.  Right on!  My dad looked at this picture this weekend, laughed, and said, "Eat more chicken!"  Since I'm a vegetarian, my thought was no, eat more veggies!

This, I think, is my problem today.  I've been on break now for 2.5 weeks.  My school is a year round calendar, so we have 3 weeks off at spring and fall and a shorter summer.  It's way better for kids and give me time, as an administrator, to get organized and energized.  I love it, but I do struggle with not having my regular schedule.  I thrive on schedules and kind of become a mess when I don't have one! However, my energy the past couple of days is totally lacking.

I haven't run in 2 weeks.  Last week I was just straight up lazy and working around the house.  On Sun, we took the kids out in the Phil and Ted's and walked for 5.5 miles.  After some yard work at the end of the day, my leg was in serious pain.  Since I'm supposed to be doing a half marathon and all on May 8, this kind of is freaking me out.  I'm not up on my long runs (it's become more of a run/walk but I'm FINE with that!), and now I have this injury.  On top of all of that, my eating kind of sucks.  I'm not eating enough veggies and fueling my body with what I know I need to fuel with!

This is what I do to myself.  I get lazy, I give up, I don't fuel myself properly, and I have to start over with this get motivated cycle.  Ugh!  You'd think that at 35, I'd have this figured out.  But I don't.  This is why I say I'm a work in progress.  What I SHOULD be doing is making a schedule for myself everyday while I"m on break.  Lesson learned.  Today, I'm chillin' with A1 as he has a fever and sore throat (but not strep - that's good!), and planning on a great veggie stir-fry tonight.

My biggest accomplishment today will be to not beat myself up over  not feeling motivated.  This is a very tricky concept for me - and something I'm going to HAVE to continue to do (the not beat myself up part for whatever reason) on a day to day basis before I accept myself for who I am.  I know I am a good person.  I know I am a hard worker.  I know I am beautiful and have an amazing family.  The emotional side of this particular human should be a cake walk - but it's just not - at least, not today :)  I'm getting there, really I am!

The Way We Look in Pictures

I love pictures.  I love taking them.  I love looking at them.  I love what memories they bring back and honestly, I have lots of pictures that bring back lots of amazing memories.

These are all pictures of me.  Picture of me from the past two years where I quickly lost 30 pounds after giving birth to A2 and have been at a standstill ever since.  I have many more pounds to go and am working really hard trying to figure it all out. I judged myself in every single picture (and really, this is just a few).  I look fat.  I have bad hair.  One of my front teeth is a different color than the other.  I also notice in a lot of my pictures that I try to cover myself up somehow.

Ludicrous.

My mom does the same thing.  When we were in Florida last week, my mom did the same thing.  She wanted to look at all of the pictures taken of her right away, and she commented on all of them. And not a single comment was every positive.

It was during that trip that I decided I was not going to do this anymore.  My kids heard my mom.  My kids hear EVERYTHING.  They are kids. That's what they do.  I DO NOT want them to think that making negative comments about yourself, anytime or anywhere, is a good thing.  SO, I've turned a new leaf.

I got a bunch of pictures printed for my parents and to put up in our house.  When I brought them home, I worked to look at every single one and say something positive about it.  It felt great.  I know I have a long way to go.  I can't wait to have spectacular before and after pictures.  But in the meantime, I need to quit putting myself down, all the freaking time, and be positive.  All the little ones in my life, whether my own or the ones I teach, are listening and watching! Not only do I need to be my own superhero, I need to be theirs too!

So here goes with the previously posted pictures:

This photo was taken when A1 was about 22 months and A2 was about 8 weeks.  We were leaving to go to a back to school party with my new co-workers and I was so excited.  I was excited about school, who I was working with, what I was doing....I thought my kids looked incredible and I was in a good mental place that night!  Plus, we are sitting on the front porch of our new house and I am just so proud of everything.

My brother got married in San Francisco in Fall 2008.  We had a blast.  The kids were amazing, my brother and his wife were amazing, and San Francisco was amazing.  We are in front of the Bay Bridge, which was right by our hotel, which by the way, was also amazing.  I was so grateful for this time together as a family.

This is me serving myself at the first Thanksgiving meal we had at our new house.  I prepared it, plated it, and had a blast doing it.  I LOVE cooking Thanksgiving.  I love having my family in my house and celebrating being together.  That's what this picture is about.

This is me and A2 at Christmas at The Drake in Chicago.  We go every year.  She's adorable and this is an adorable picture.  People say we look a lot alike.  She has my husband's eyes and a lot of me.  I love this photo.  Again, it represents family and love.

This is me and Ryan in Santa Fe.  We go a couple of times a year as a family and we love it there.  My parents have a house all tucked into the mountains and it is so peaceful.  This past summer, we had an incredible week there.  Ryan and I have been together almost half our lives (we realized that this weekend). We celebrate our 13 year anniversary this summer! He is so sweet to me and helps me feel beautiful all the time.

This is a picture of me after my first race in several years.  I ran a 5K this fall.  It was a little over 38 minutes, something easy to beat, but I was so incredibly proud of finishing this race - the first of several I have completed since this fall - and hopefully the first of many in the next several years!  This picture is all about pride.  This picture represents me and who I know I really am!

See?  It's not so hard.  I don't look at the pictures and see a bad hair day, ugly shirt, or overweight person.  I am so much more than that.

What about you?  How do you see yourself in pictures?  How SHOULD you see yourself in pictures?

We all have much to be grateful for.  We are all beautiful.  That's what pictures are about!

So much on my mind

I haven't posted in forever. Not because of anything (like I'm hiding because I'm doing something wrong), but because when I have a spare minute. I just stop and pause.

I'm going to post more next week on what's going on in my life, but I had to post a quickie today because of Mizfit's post today. She writes about fitting in. This is interesting because really, why do I want to keep a blog? I spend a lot of time thinking, who cares? There are half a million blogs out there - I read so many of them - and I'm not sure what I write would make that big of a difference to anyone. Other times I think what difference does it make? It's a place for me to keep track of my thoughts. Then I think, I could just do that on my own in an electronic journal. Then I think, but what if one, just one person is inspired by me? That would be the best feeling in the world! And then I wonder, am I just trying to fit in? Like what Mizfit wrote about today? In 35 years, am I STILL trying to figure out what my niche is?

The answer to that is yes. Yes, yes, yes.

I digress.

Wednesday is my 35th birthday. I've been on vacation in Florida this week (I'm so freaking lucky!) and I've done a few runs/walks where I thought about this a lot. Asking myself the same questions: Why am I running, what's my real purpose, etc....I've been thinking about my food choices a lot, and then thinking about why I'm thinking about my food choices....

For once, I'd like to just not think.

Today, when I read this quote from Mizfit:

Life isnt about fitting in. It’s about carving your unique path & creating an existence which allows you to be your best self.

I realized that this is me. This has been me for years and years and years. I'm slowly starting to get it. I had a moment this week when I thought, damn, I wish I would have gone through this process when I was was 25 - or even 15, but that's wishful thinking and honestly? 25 and 15 were pretty awesome!

Anyway, more next week. In fact, I have lots I want to write about and reflect about and for the 2 or 3 people that are reading, I'm going to write it here: Two topics that are deeply on my mind are - how we respond to ourselves in pictures and how we talk about ourselves in front of our children. Being on vacation - and in a swimsuit - this is something that has been on my mind a lot!

In the meantime, here's another thought for you:



and this - my family on campus:



and this from the Bulldog Jog that I did on March 12 (and set my PR in a 5K - 36:00 and some change!)




We are SO PROUD of our BUTLER BULLDOGS! My husband and I are both graduates, we now live a mile and a half from campus, and this fall, Ryan (the husband) will be a professor of education there. There is nothing more exciting than our little school being in the final four this weekend! I can't believe we are missing the festivities in Indy this weekend, but I'm not going to complain!