What to do, what to do?

Ok, so I've been in a little bit of meltdown mode for awhile.  I have spouts of greatness, but let's face it, it's been since about the Mini, if not before, that I've been in this mode.  Work was rough at the end of the school year, I'm still working a ton, my mother in law passed away, my husband has been in a serious funk (understandably), and well, I'm in meltdown mode.

It finally hit me last week that for awhile now, I've been thinking to myself, I know I'm overweight, but I actually feel ok --- last week, I decided I really don't feel ok.  I don't eat horribly - in fact, I eat pretty healthily - but I eat too much.  Period.

When I sign up for Weight Watchers, I stop tracking and give up. Then I decide it's ridiculous to pay and unsubscribe.

Then I decide to count calories - when the afternoon hits and I get home, I stop counting - it's not that I overeat, I just don't take the time to sit down and write everything down.

Then I think I'll eat when I'm hungry.  I'll stop when I'm not.  I do ok at this - but still think I eat too much when I'm hungry.

Oy.

Why, at 35, am I still DEALING WITH THIS???

This is my year to make this happen and get totally comfortable with myself.  Seriously.  This is it.  Next summer I won't be lamenting the fact that I am overweight and it is hot.  Seriously.  I just have to make it happen.  I about 80 pounds need to make it happen.....I'm just really trying to do it the best possible way.

I know WW works.  Period.  Just have to do it.

I know calorie counting works.  Period.  Just have to do it.

I'd love to read more about Intuitive Eating - I discovered Christie the other day through Carla's website  the other day and absolutely loved her guest post.  I thought about emailing her tonight, but chickened out.  I don't really know what to say....

I've thought about creating my own weekly menu with calories already done and sticking to that - but really, how does that truly teach me how to eat in any given situation - but maybe, just maybe that would be a good starting point.

Oy.

Next week, I'm in NYC for the week for work.  I lived there for four years and am so excited to be there.  I met with a trainer on Tuesday and go again tomorrow (I totally an completely cannot afford this and have no idea where the money will come from but am going to make it work so I have someone supporting me for awhile...) - and she's going to give me homework for the week.  When I get back, I'll be home for two weeks and maybe do the menu thing then.  *Sigh*

It's just so much.

And I know it's always going to be so much - that might be one of the reasons why I am so reluctant....

The self-sabotage has to end though.  I'm the only one that can fix this!

That's all for now.  I'll keep you all posted on what happens.

My Baby's Birthday

This weekend, my baby turned two.  Definitely not so much a baby anymore - this picture truly epitomizes her and her spunkiness.  She gets excited about EVERYTHING - something we should all try to do more - just be excited!

A birthday weekend mean dessert 3 nights in a row.  I made the cupcakes healthier and only took a couple of bites of the brownie sundae, but seriously, it all counts.  I managed to get in a 3 mile S-L-O-W run on Sunday and a 12 mile bike ride on Saturday....but I ate and ate and ate.

My hip is really bothering me on my runs.  I'm not sure about the 5 miler on Saturday.  I might just do the 5k.  While running on Saturday, my hip started hurting in the middle of mile 1.  Ugh.

This morning, I officially started counting calories again.  I need to do this for my babies.  I am at an unhealthy weight.  Period.  I'm going to try to blog more about my eats, but time is of the essence in my world.  I'm just going to be healthy.  That is all.