Sadness and Confessions

Sadness =

My mother in law passed away last week.

It's a really long story - but the bottom line is she didn't have a healthy heart, was in surgery to make it better, and she didn't make it.

She was 60.

My husband is very sad and working hard to move on.  But it's hard.

Confession =

I haven't run since the mini.  I'm scheduled to a race on June 5 and want to do a tri in August.  I have zero motivation and have to find it somewhere.  I'm just feeling quiet and tired.  At the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is workout.

For the first time in a long time, I'm feeling bad about myself and sorry for myself and desperate to lose weight.  I've been feeling proud and happy.  Ugh.

The good news is, I haven't been eating out of control - as would be a typical reaction for me.  The thing is, I know now, more than ever, the need to be healthy and live life to the fullest.

So I'm working on it.  But man, right now is a really hard time.

It's Been Decided

My next race will be on June 5, 2010:

Outrun the Sun - 5 miles :)

Now, let me be clear on a few things.

I don't love running for disease causes.  I don't know why.  I don't have a specific reason....the only thing I can think of is I'm a teacher and education and teachers are in serious serious need of money - all the time.  I know this is the same as diseases like cancer but if I had to commit to a cause, it would be education.  Districts and schools all over the country are doing races to benefit them.  They are just harder to find sometimes.  I am doing an "event" at my school this year and am very excited.  It'll be smaller event for our first time around, but I'm hoping it'll raise some money and be the start of something spectacular.  I'll tell more about it as we get closer - but we are hoping to involved ALL of the kids and their families.  The real point is to get people moving.  The benefit point is to raise some money!

I was going to do a trail run in Nashville, IN on the 5th.  However, I'd have to drive down the night before - I just couldn't imagine doing an hour+ long drive the morning of a race, and we really don't have extra money for any travel right now.  So, I'll do the local race - at 7pm on a Sat. night, which actually will be kind of cool and different.  Plus, it's in Fort Harrison State Park , which will also be cool.  I plan on spending lots of time there this summer!

So that's all for now.  Hubby is going out of town for a few days and that always makes life very interesting for me.  And my life has been insanely busy the past couple of weeks. I've taken off a week from running, and still, oddly enough, I seem to be on an emotional upswing - which is always a very good thing!

When You're Still Called Fat...

My morning started with a blocked email sent to me.

In my role as an administrator, I deal with a variety of things on a daily basis - including inappropriate use of internet.  This morning, I got a blocked email from one student to another that was terribly inappropriate with a terrible use of language - and ended with: "And let's talk about Ms. Courtney.  She's fat.  She need to lose weight."

Awesome.

Even after running a half marathon this weekend, giving birth to two children, working my butt off on a daily basis to not only be good at my work and at being a mother and wife, and working incredibly hard at ending fat talk about myself and finding my beauty both inside and out, this has still put me in a state this morning that makes me not even want to function today.

I'm 70 pounds overweight.  And let's just put it out there - everyone notices.  I know they notice so many other things I do too, but you can't overlook the straight up truth about my body.

2010 Indianapolis Mini Marathon

The 35th Running of the OneAmerica 500 Festival Mini-Marathon took place on Saturday, May 8, 2010.  The Mini has sold-out for the past nine years with 35,000 registrants, and an additional 4,000 participants in the Finish Line 500 Festival 5K. The Mini-Marathon is the largest half-marathon in the U.S., and overall, the fifth largest running event in America. The 2010 event sold out on December 14, 2009.


Ladies and gentlemen ---- I finished.  It was one of the best days of my life.  I went through 75 different emotions in 3 hours and could barely walk - seriously - when it was done, but today I feel great, can't believe I did it and am so proud.


I ran my first half marathon in 2004.  I trained harder and just generally did a better job but still finished in the back of the pack.  This year, I have no idea where I finished, but there were probably about 33,000 more participants and I was most definitely not in the back of the pack!


It was cold. And windy.  And cold and windy. The cold didn't really bother me, but the wind gusts were intense.  Once I got going, though, I didn't notice the wind at all - unless it was behind me and my pace went from 12:00 or 13:00 to 10:30 :)  Those were nice wind gusts!  When I crossed the start line, about 20 minutes after the race began, I had to choke back some sobs.  I"ve wanted to run this race for a really long time and I was finally doing it!


The first 8 miles, I ran.  It was a steady pace, under 13:00 minutes, which is what I always want to run at right now.  I felt great.  I was listening to great tunes, smiling at the musical selections I had made and the order my husband had put them in, and just enjoying the people on the route and the event in general.  We had just hit the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, which is supposed to be the highlight of the race - running around the track - but it was my downfall.  It was boring.  People were starting to pull of the side and stretch.  It's a 2.5 mile track and you can't see anything around the corner, so you have on idea when it's going to end!  So frustrating for me!  There were some cheerleading squads along the way - my favorite was the squad that all had shirts on that said, "Our coach needs a husband!" - but that lasted for about 2 minutes of entertainment.


This is when my mind starting playing tricks on me.  My knee hurt.  I needed to walk.  My music was boring.  I still had 5 miles to go.  There are people who have finished by now.  I didn't train well.  I'm a fool.  People are passing me.  My goal is under 3 hours.  I quickly did the math and realized I was not going to make it so I got pissed.  I tried to run really fast but knew I wouldn't be able to keep up that pace. Whatever, I'm excited I'm doing it.  This is awesome.  Look at all those people!  Wait, are those kamikazi shots in front of that bar? 


Seriously, it was crazy!


So, I started to run/walk.  When I walked it hurt more.  When I ran it hurt less but it was so slow I felt like I should just be walking.  When I walked, I would text my husband to tell him where I was, along with some expletives that I won't mention....but then I realized I was at mile 11 and 2 more miles didn't seem like ANYTHING to me.  It felt better walking - even if it was more of a shuffle - and I was so proud.  I choked back more sobs.  I replayed some tunes that were particularly motivating.  I knew my family was at the 13 mile sign and all I wanted to do was see them.  I was now running to get to the 13 miles sign. Nothing else mattered.  When I got there and saw them, I started yelling and waving my hands and went right to them.  Here's a shot that my hubby took:

I was whooing and slapping everyone high five and smiling and at this point, nothing else mattered.  I was going to finish, I was so proud, it was AWESOME!


Then, I had to start walking.  The race was over.  And I was in PAIN.  All I wanted to do was sit and stretch but I was seriously afraid I'd never get up.  I was sobbing, for multiple reasons, and I swear when the lady handed me my medal I almost grabbed her and hugged her.


I finally found a spot to sit and stretch and it felt so good.  My family caught up with me and we hugged and smiled and my hubby helped me stretch.


IT WAS AWESOME.


Walking back to the car was next to impossible.  I was moving so slow.  I couldn't step off curbs or walk up them without feeling like I was going to fall over.  When we finally made it to the car I couldn't wait to sit and boy did I realize then how much I smelled!!!


When we finally got home, I took a REALLY HOT BATH, took some Advil, laid down and took a long nap.  When I got up, I could actually move!  And this morning, when I got up, I felt ok!  I felt like I had just had a hard workout the day before - which I had!


That's the recap - on to the next one!  I can't wait - and now I have to decide which one to do!


WHOOOOHOOOOO! (that is what I yelled at photographers every time I saw them - can't wait to see those pics!)

I'm obsessed and published :)

Two things to end the day for me (Ok, maybe three)

1)  I'm obsessed with Puffins.  Original and Peanut Butter are my favorites and mixing the two makes me even happier.  Put those together with some almond milk and I am a very happy girl...er woman. (As A1 would say, "You're a woman, Mommy.  Adelyn is a GIRL."  Today I had two bowls while I waited for Abel to wake up.

2) He's feeling a lot better.  He requested Nachos for dinner (I'm blogging while they eat.  Still very full from the Puffins) He slept for 5 hours this afternoon.  I had to wake him up to go get A2 at daycare!

3) Have you checked out Maria's I'm a Vegetarian series?  She's over at realfitmama.com and published my story today.  I saw her post on twitter and sent her my story while I was on break.  Check it out!

And the last good news is while I wasn't at school today, it was a great day.  Go figure!  I've heard from the other school leaders and they were really happy about today.  Sweet.  Cheers to the rest of the week being the same way!  5 days until my half!  Whoohooo!!!

Today is a day for quiet

I have had a hell of a week.  Last week was insane.  I had 101 issues with kids and families at school, hubby went out of town for 5 days (he gets back tonight!), I fit in a 10 miler to have one long run before this weekend's half, and back to school yesterday brought more of last week.  Wow.  As I was leaving work yesterday, I got a phone call from daycare telling me A1 had a fever.  I knew something was up, but since I'm on my own I was in denial.

However, the most important things in my life are me, my kids, my hubby and my family.  Period.  So today I took A1 to work with me for a little bit while I got things in order and now we are being quiet.  He's snuggling on the couch with his animals and I'm playing on the internet.  Just being chill.  So important.

I'm gearing up for this weekend.  I'm so excited for the race.  My time is going to be so slow.  Originally I wanted to finish the half in less than 2.5 hours, but I don't think that's going to happen.  We'll see.  I'm also planning the next few months of races and events.  So fun to think of what I could do next.  I'm looking at a trail run,  Go Girl triathlon, a duathlon and maybe another half in the fall.  Events help motivate me.  That's the bottom line - plus I love them.  I loved this feeling of crowds of people at Race for the Cure in April.

And seeing my fabulous cheering section when I rounded the corner heading for the finish line:

Mostly I just love this:

Aren't they beautiful?  Even their backsides? :)

Looking forward to a chill day - can't wait to post about future race plans and general progress made here!