Tuesday, July 20, 2010

My Inspiration

This is my Adelyn Lee.  She's my 2 year old and she is awesome.  Don't get me wrong, Abel, my 3 1/2 year old is also awesome, but I had a moment with Adelyn the other night that I want to share.

I took this picture after she slid down into this position.  I sit like this all the time.  In fact, I posted it on my facebook page and people that I work with commented on the fact that I sit like this in meetings.  I don't even realize I do it, it's just a natural position.  18 years and 80 pounds ago, I ended my 15 year run as a gymnast.  I was going to be Mary Lou Retton - but that didn't quite work out.  I was a decent gymnast in high school - and my team was state runner-ups two years in a row.  It was kind of a glory time for me.

People tell me that Adelyn looks and acts just like me.  And I agree in so many ways.  But she's two.  And she hasn't had a chance to let anything stop her from being just who she is.

This is who Adelyn is - and quite frankly, who I used to be.

She is spunky.  She laughs and smiles and lights up a room all. the. time.

She doesn't let anything get in her way.  When she wants to do something, she makes it happen.  And she makes it happen on her own.  She doesn't insist on help.

That being said, she thinks before she acts.  If it's too high, she doesn't jump.  If she still really wants to jump, she does ask for help.  She knows her limits.

She eats when she's hungry, but she loves food and she loves to try new things. She is awesomely curious. She sits with me while I cook and helps anytime she can.

Adelyn is my inspiration.  Sure I want to be healthy to be a role model for my kids and I am inspired by that, but even more - Adelyn is exactly who I used to be and who I want to be again.  For whatever reason, I let what people said about me or what I assumed they were thinking about me turn me into this needy self-loathing individual.  I'm still pretty independent - at work - and can lead the best of them, but when it comes to me and how I feel about me personally, I'm not.

I've been working with a trainer once a week to help me come up with a plan of things to do at home.  I was talking to her about this last week and she said, "It sounds like you've conquered everything but yourself.  You've got the great family and great job, now you need to focus on yourself."  This is so true --- but a crazy social experiment as I figure out how to "do it all".  I'm a mom, wife, and school administrator.  My husband is a college professor who is still figuring out what that means to him. I'm about as busy as it gets.  But I need to focus on myself - not for my kids, but for me.

I don't want what happened to me happen to Adelyn. I really feel the only way to make that happen is to show her how to take care of herself and continue to be spunky, independent, reflective, and curious about everything without letting other people change that.

I'm 35 and sometimes feel like my journey has just begun!

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