Sunday, November 22, 2009

It's a bust

Man oh man. Last spring, I was holding my 11 month old, bent over to pick up a sock, completely wrenched my back and didn't walk for 4 days. I blamed it on stress, being overweight, and not exercising - at all.

What did I do about it? Nothing! I am currently the same weight I was last spring. I have mastered maintenance - at a weight that is at least 70 pounds more than it should be!

This fall, I've tried to start running regularly. I've run a 5k, had some amazing runs with family and friends, but have been unable to be consistent. Last week, I was all about doing the Whittle My Middle Challenge. I did it one day.

This morning, I threw my back out again. I was picking up the now 18 month old to changer her diaper before I went on a 4 miles run. It's not nearly as bad as last spring, but it happened. I cried really really hard for about 15 minutes. I self-deprecated myself to death, cried about being stressed, cried about being stuck at a completely unhappy weight, and tried to figure out what the hell is wrong with me.

I've come up with nothing, but something has got to change. I have got to get rid of this weight. I have got to be healthy.

What I really want to do is challenge myself to waking up early, 5 days a week, to stretch and do strength training. I have amazing videos. I could do this. I don't get up because I am the world's worst morning person. Excuses excuses. I am full of excuses. I self-sabotage...I have got to figure this out!

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